Hello everyone, it certainly has been more than while hasn't it? My last journal entry was a little more than a year ago and while I wish I could say that the reason behind it was mostly composed of good things I am saddened to say that it's been far from the case.
I'm not one to typically talk about myself much if at all when it comes to the internet. I believe in keeping my personal life private with the exception of those close to me and maintaining a professional appearance outwardly to my viewers. Today however I'm going to allow myself to be a bit more personal than I'm typically comfortable with in order to share recent events in my life with you.
I've been fairly busy with my Graphics Design venture since 2015 and things were actually going well at the beginning of last year. My work had gotten published by a Record Company in Southern California and I was even fortunate enough to have been given the opportunity to design the soundtrack layout for a theatrical movie release. After returning home from a business trip to San Diego however my brother had just returned home from the hospital after suffering from intense third degree burns while I was away after being caught in a fire that began in his room. As you can imagine this was a rather stressful time for everyone in my family given the level of trauma this incident had caused on his body.
Two weeks later, he passed away from heart failure. He was only 32 years old.
None of us could have been prepared for it. We had expected that the skin grafts on his body would take hold and while his life would never be the same again that he would eventually heal and continue his college studies with us there to support him if he needed us to. Despite having been so severely burned he still had many plans he wanted to do before being taken from us so unexpectedly. He had wanted to go to New Orleans in the fall and he was going to finish his last year of college and be the first in our family to graduate withe an actual degree. None of which will ever come to pass now which is still very surreal to me even now despite it having been nearly 10 months since he passed away.
There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about him. Growing up my brother and I butted heads a lot. We had many disagreements and I didn't always approve of some of the things he would do but regardless of that we still loved each other even if we didn't always say it. Something that I regret immensely considering that in his last days we were hardly even talking to each other at all except to argue to a petty fight that was better off forgotten about instead of begrudgingly holding onto it just for the sake of being angry.
So my message today is this. Forgive, forget, and do what you want to do with your life. Life is so uncertain and it shouldn't be wasted on things like holding grudges or stubbornness. Tell your family and friends that you love them without restraint and do the things you want to do before it's too late. It's easy to make plans and tell yourself that you'll do them someday, but keep in mind that someday may never actually come. The only time we have is now and that can sometimes be difficult to remember.
Which on that ending note, I would like to take the opportunity to thank my best friend Kei-Ivory
for having been here for me since all this happened and thank you to Spaartoi
for having helped bring us together during a time in which I needed someone most. While I still have my downward spirals in which I find myself unable to do anything at all, having Kei here with me through it all has helped me heal so much faster than I would have had I otherwise been on my own. Thanks to her I am able to take things day by day to focus on my work. Her presence keeps my otherwise low morale up and at times I even find myself actually laughing at things again.
I'm never going to be 100% myself again. I've changed in more ways than one after this incident, but it has at the very least gotten a little easier.
I love you all and I hope to post new illustrations again in the near future. Thank you for reading.